there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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