If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
