She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
