is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
