loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
