He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
