Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
