Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
