I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
