Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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