My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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