Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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