Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
