This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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