he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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