The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
