Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
