If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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