Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
