Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I stole a fireplace last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize