I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
