I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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