Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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