its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
