I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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