Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
