yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
