Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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