Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
