Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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