i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
