they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize