well I can't set my house on fire every night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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