now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
