I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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