why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
