just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
