you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We got so high we made milksteak
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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