She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
