he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
