I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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