Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
