literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
