He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
