the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She bit a glass in half.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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