ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
