my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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