I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
