i think my mom watched the whole time
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
