cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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