Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
