can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
