I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dicks are not precious.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
