I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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