it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
