Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
