forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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