Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
