Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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