I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
