I am puke
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
