It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You were trust falling into bushes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
