Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
