If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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