:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
