I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
