Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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