she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
