I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
