FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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