Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
